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Firstly, S&Mers and feminists both need to be aware of this emotional and biological phenomenon. It can create a sense of overwhelming intimacy with unexpected partners. And it can be used as a tool by abusers who groom relationships that started consensually into abusive relationships. Secondly, we must keep talking about communication and boundary-setting. An important part of this discussion is openly discussing what happens when well- intentioned S&Mers screw up, and how we deal with that. Again, I wrote about that in "What Happens After an S&M Encounter "Gone Wrong." Thomas MacAulay Millar has a great post that lists the mistakes that can happen within S&M. He mentions, for example, that sometimes there are genuine physical "technical" errors; sometimes people also hit "landmines" or unexpected psychological problems (I also covered landmines in my post). Talking openly about screwups makes it harder for abusers to claim that they "just screwed up.” Thirdly, within our communities, we need to spread the word -- especially to people who we believe might be inexperienced or vulnerable or otherwise in a position to have this used against them. te Kk ok After June 16, 2012, this can be found on the Internet at: http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2012/06/16/sm-aftercare-or-brainwashing COMMUNICATION: [theory] Feminist S&M Lessons From the Seduction Community This was originally split into three parts and published in 2011 at GoodMenProject.com. Obviously, it covers some territory that I also cover in Confessions of a Pickup Artist Chaser, but the book is much chattier and has more fun anecdotes. Also, you should totally buy the book. Okay, I'll stop advertising it now. te Kk ok Feminist S&M Lessons From the Seduction Community There is an enormous subculture devoted to teaching men how to seduce women. Within the last half-decade or so, these underground "pickup artists” have burst into the popular consciousness, aided by Neil Strauss's bestselling book The Game and VH1's hit reality show The Pick-Up Artist. Pickup artists -- also known as the "seduction community" -- exchange ideas in thousands of online fora, using extensive in-group jargon. One pickup artist site lists "over 715 terms, and counting." There are pickup artist meetups, clubs, and subculture celebrities all over the world. There are different ideological approaches and theoretical schools of HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018663